I hate the feeling of not being able to tell people what I'm thinking...

Keep struggle to not show how I really feel...

geez...

12 IPA 1 First Photo

The Long way of Shame and Misery

I came to the place called "LIFE" with noone knows about it,

I lived my childhood with fake smile,

I lived my teenage life with the fear of not being able to get into social life,

I struggle too hard until I broke my faith,

I think I've Lost in a place I called life.

Nobody knows about it.

I keep runnning away from my own fear

Nobody knows about it.

I keep my fake smile covering my tears,

Nobody knows about it.

I keep laughing to forget the pain I felt,

Nobody knows about it.

I keep my head down so that people didn't notice I was crying

Nobody knows about it.

I keep my view down low to avoid the future,

Nobody knows about it.

Nobody know about everything I felt...

One day, this girl came to my life and said

"Let's be friend"

I thought it was the turning point of life,

she show me so many things,

she holds my hand even she don't know what happen.

but it's all also delusion...

she left me.

and I'm all alone again...

is that all? is there anything left?

then with my self alone again, 

the real life which contain the darkest part of life approach me,

it called me with a melodious voice,

led me to my own misery.

I lived the day vulnerable, 

every single punch hit me so bad,

every single word stabbed me straight to the heart...

the life brought me a misery,

it kicks me so many time,

it kills me but I'm not die anyway,

it tortures me but it wont end.

it always puts me on the hard decision of life I had make

miserable...

it's the feeling like I have fallen from the highest cliff,

and almost crashed at the ground, 

and suddenly somebody bravely caught me and lift me up, 

but then let me off and fall again,

then while I lie down on the ground crying over my crushed body, 

a great lion came, bitten, and torn my body apart but still I just wont die

still crying I keep asking to God..

Is this everything prepared for me from the first place?

or...

Is there any worst part left?

but God still not give me the answer...

I'm still crying, blood flooding so smoothly over my eyes...

people passing by, they throw me a glance of pity on the edge of their eyes,

but still no hands embrace me, no help approach me.

Then...

the devil came to the-shame-suffering-me, he asked me what has happened to me,

he's smiling but I rather call it smirks than a smile...

I told him everything I've through,

the devil's listening to me like a dad listen to his son's after school story.

he asked me how can he help me...

for once I'm amazed with how he can convice me...

"come with me thou son of the world, thou shall not walking on this long way of shame and suffers" the devil said.

with a little piece of faith left inside me, I said I'm still waiting for my father to come and embrace me,

if I go with you, He could not find me here...

the devil asked with a crossed eyebrow "Who's thy Father?"

"He lived far far away up in the sky, he rule the universe, He own me and You" I replied,

the devil know what I mean " But thy father did not listen to thou like I do, I could giving thou happiest thing that wolud turn thy life, I could give everything to thou if thou come with me"

I said "no thanks, he might not be here but actually he's here, it seems like He's not listening but actually he listening, it seems like He never answer my quest, 

but... 

it's just me who don't realize He has answered it with His own way.

You might be give me everything I want, but I know you would take everything in return. but My father, He works on unexpected way to giving what I want and takes nothing in return"

am I regret the decision I made? no, I will just keep waiting and waiting, I won't go anywhere so God would find me here....

KULIAH (?)

...............................................................

MECHA II

[Scanned photos from recent Japan's magazines]
"RED ZETA", remodeled from RG 1/144 Zeta Gundam.
in the 2013 Jan. Issue of Dengeki Hobby Magazine.

built by: Kazuya FUKUDA

 

 

[Scanned photos from recent Japan's magazines]
MSA-005S "METHUSS CUSTOM",
remodeled from Guncannon Detector - Ka Signature's limited figure product.

built by: Hajime Katoki
....Katoki+555

 

 

[Scanned photos from recent Japan's magazines]
Kotobukiya's HMM ZOIDS - 1/72 Dibison Thoma Ver.
from the 2013 Jan. issue of Dengeki Hobby Magazine.

modeled by: Daichi Ichinose
翻訳を見る

 

 

[Scanned photos from recent Japan's magazines]
Kotobukiya's ZOIDS 1/72 Dibison Thoma Ver.
from the 2013 Jan. issue of Dengeki Hobby Magazine.

modeled by: Daichi Ichinose

 

 

[Scanned photos from recent Japan's magazines]
a scratch-building model of MS-06R Zaku High Mobility Type (Reuse "P" Device), in the official manga series "Gundam: THUNDERBOLT".

modeled by: 竹内陽亮

 

 

[Scanned photos from recent Japan's magazines]
"US Evangelion WolfPac" from Evangelion Anima, a photonovel series.

drawn by: Ikuto YAMASHITA

 

 

[Scanned photos from recent Japan's magazines]
* Air Xmas
Appearance: 2nd Super Robot Wars Original Generation(OG)
Mechanical designer: Mika AKITAKA

CURAHAN HATI SISWA BINGUNG

Minggu, 6 January 2013,

Kiamat tidak jadi... (?)

jadi kenapa?

tidak hanya mengulang kata-kata teman-teman ==

Tahun 2013 udah tiba ga kerasa dikit lagi UN. ==  

banyak temen gua di luar kota manokwari yang mulai ngebahas soal UN,

ada yang ngetweet ke gua, "Lu udah belajar sampe mana Raa?" 

ada yang PM ke gua "gimana persiapan lu raa?"

ada juga yang nge-sms, "Ganbate raa, sampe ketemu di Jawa" 

aih, hati terasa tai setiap melihat atau mendengar kalimat-kalimat seputar UN.

sebenarnya gua udah belajar sampe dimana?

sebenarnya gimana persiapan gua?

sebenarnya apakah gua udah siap?

smua itu cuman gua yang tahu. =3=

kadang gua merasa iri ngeliat senior-senior gua

senior senior gua yang udah merantau di Univ luar kota

rasanya mereka sungguh beruntung, 

berhubung UN udah dekat, ada juga teman-teman gua di sekolah

yang peduli soal UN, 

mereka yang peduli mulai bertanya soal kapan pengayaan,

soal kenapa kami kelas 3 seperti ditelantarkan

mulai ngajak gua belajar kelompok,

mulai sibuk nyari bimbel sana-sini

n mulai ngomong soal lanjut universitas. 

ada juga yang sepertinya tidak peduli,

dan dengan rilex menjalani hidup.

mereka kebanyakan makan silver qu*en, santainya kebangetan

mereka masih sibuk dengan game online,

mereka masih sibuk dengan net game

mereka masih sibuk ngedonlod ini itu, 

nonton film ini itu.

gimana dengan gua? 

gua sendiri kadang bingung. 

haruskah gua segitu khawatirnya dengan UN

atau, haruskah gua makan silver que*n biar santai?

persiapan gua blum matang bahkan stengah matang pun blum ada...

terkadang pengen rasanya gua menghilang =o=

SH****************************T GUA JADI CURHAT